Where do I even begin? Well let’s just say Congrats to my ‘babyJaeda’ for graduating high school! I’m so proud of her. She works so hard and is going to go so far in life. She got an awesome car for her graduation present too. 

This weekend was bittersweet. More on the bitter side, but that is out of my control. I’m so glad I got to see my grandma, papa, cousin, aunt, uncle and my step dad’s side of the family. The graduation party on Saturday went great! Everyone had a good time. I will  hand it over to my uncle for being on his best behavior (since he is an alcoholic) that he didn’t seemed to fret over everyone drinking in front of him at the party. A few people even offered him a drink and he said no. I’m glad I got to see my grandma. Oh man, I love my grandma. She is my favorite. But, I’ll continue with all the good stories before I go into talking about the not so good stories… 

1. Everyone in the family got along! 

2. Everyone had a good time

3. I’m glad my step brother brought his best friends to the graduation, it wouldn’t of been fun without them. 

4. I’m glad I got to see my family all together at my house. It’s very rare to see that since they are all from Colorado. I miss them everyday. 

5. My uncle didn’t have a sip over beer (as far as I know) this whole weekend. Incase you didn’t know, he is 45 and a huge alcoholic and it’s pretty much ruined his life. 

6. My sister graduated high school and I’m so proud of her! <3 

The only bitter part about this whole weekend is knowing that my grandma is miserable. It breaks my heart. I’m so close to my grandma, I’ve seen her at her best my whole life. My grandma used to be the most happiest person you’d see in a room, so bubbly and fun. Always laughing and being loud. She’d always call me babe and wink at me telling me some funny jokes or making funny comments.  and for the past 3 years she has been so depressed and when I saw her again this weekend, it’s way worse than ever before. She only weighs 80 pounds, if that. Her hair is really grey. (She used to be a hairstylist and would always dye her hair, especially before big occasions.) She doesn’t smile or laugh anymore. She quiet. and she sleeps A LOT. This breaks my heart like no one understands other than my family. I hate seeing her like this. She is mainly depressed because:

A. Me, jaeda and my mom don’t live in Colorado anymore. But we see her at least, once a year and call her at least once a week. 

B. My uncle still lives with my grandparents. He is 45. He is SO RUDE when he talks to my grandma and grandpa. 

C. My uncle is the main cause for her depression. Nuff said.

D. My grandpa won’t do anything about it. He lets my uncle stay at their house and “secretly” gives my uncle money to buy booze to shut him up. (We’ve taken him to rehab, he does other drugs and has gone to jail. He can’t drive anymore. Doesn’t have his license and NO MONEY.)

E. My grandparents don’t have any money. They are poor. Live in a trailer and barley get by. 

F. Their health insurance is shit. Doesn’t cover a lot of things. My family has offered so much for them but my grandparents are too stubborn to take some money and get some extra medical attention. 

This all has been going on FOR YEARS. The whole family has offered to help her, help my uncle (but he has stole and fucked up many relationships in the family). But my mom has tried to offer them money, offer my grandparents to live with us. EVERYTHING. and they won’t take it or do it. So there really is nothing we can do from there. 

When i saw her this weekend. She was so.. so… skinny. It is disturbing. There is something she isn’t telling people. Why is she so depressed? Why won’t she just have people help her get better? Why is she so damn skinny? Everyone saw her eat this weekend and SHE CAN EAT. But…. does she not eat enough at home? Does she have some physical issues, thyroid problems? What is it? Apparently.. the doctor in Colorado says “everything is fine with her!” “she’s doing great”… well. That can’t be right. Everyone knows something is wrong. Either they aren’t telling us.. or.. she needs to find a better doctor. It makes me want to scream. I want her to stay here at my house in KC for another week or longer to get her to eat, to get some medical attention and just relax. 

I don’t know what else to do. She doesn’t want to leave my grandpa in Colorado by himself with my uncle. She wants to be with him. And we can’t force her to stay here. I just feel.. so helpless. My grandma and grandpa leave tomorrow with my uncle. AND they are driving. NO ONE needs to drive 9 hours in a car when they are over 60… and my uncle can’t drive. Why aren’t they flying? Because my grandpa doesn’t want to. Its always up to him. 

We ask my grandpa whats wrong with grandma and he doesn’t seem to care. he is just in denial and doesn’t do ANYTHING about it. it’s making me sick to my stomach. i don’t know what else to do. I want to help her so badly. 

My grandma sleeps 12 hours a day if not more. She asleep longer than she is up. Apparently last night when she got home to her hotel, she passed out on the bed face first and broke her glasses. WTF?! The only reason we know this is because my uncle told me today. 

This weekend has just been a wake up call to get my grandma some help. I don’t want this to be the last time I see her. Not like this. No one should suffer depression this badly when they have all the resources for getting help. And she has a huge family that cares for her is willing to do what ever it takes to make her happy. It isn’t enough. Will it ever be enough?

I want to leave on a happy note, but I’m just so sad about this. I can’t help but to figure out ways to help my grandma live with me for awhile. Keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers please. If you have any suggestions, feel free to let me know.